My ice cold coffee, was once a real piping hot mug of happy.


Conversations struck up out of the norm always start so lively
Then they die down and leave us to worry
We scramble our thought thinking "What did i say wrong, i though everything was fine and dandy?"
Sadly girl, you were fucking stupid to fall for that act actually.

Boys will be boys, cant you see that?
Its high time you ignore the petty requests that gives you a happy comeback
Yes they seem sweet, yes of rainbows and miracles they will speak
But there will come a day when you dont serve to his purpose
And at that time he will bear the brand of a fuckboy in your mind
He would stop replying you, and you'll revisit the box like its a shrine.

Why do they pick you up? Why do they let you fall?
Babe, we could ALL use an answer to this wake up call
Youre growing up, there more to come dont crouch yet from tall
But dont forget the chills you got when he called you "Doll," :)

On the spot// for you dear fuckboy :*

I write to tell people that i can see them
I can see their fears and flaws
Their secret mindset outlawed
Their crazy psychotic thoughts that never reached their jaw
For the fear of being condemned and slapped with the claw

I see them.

I write to tell people that i cry their tears
That its okay to have fears
That i read the charcoal on their face that is in smears
That curing it doesnt need a fucking beer

I write this to say that its not your fault youre deranged
We are in fact strange
We give to people our hearts but they dont come back the same
And if they dont come back we roam the dark streets in our minds like we are insane.


We are insane.
We are twisted and vain.
We hide our shame.
We are so mindblowingly untamed.
We scream in our dreams
We hate the thorns through the seams
We scratch our faces for more pain
We pull our hair through deafening silence of aches and
want to throw ourselves in front of the train.

I write to you to say to you, and only to you,
That whenever you do all these things that out you to the ground weeping
I am here trying to do mirroring

Just so your voice wont be lost in meadows
If anything was to engulf them it wont be shadows.
I speak for you, i out you out there invisible.
So that they know your story and not you
They know someone else has chills down their spines and thoughts are just as horrible.

Pride, was hazed
The compliments made him daze
He was strong, far more than you thought
He had the mind and physique to be blindly fought

Every shadow falls down on a creek
Yet his foundation was solely his feet
He kept his heart strong he saw no thunder
He always thought lightning would fear and crouch under

As a boy he saw, he listened and learned

He never gave in to the bad side to burn

He was good, at heart, soul and doing

He treaded carefully to make sure he wont plunge into ruin

She smiled sweet and her skin was beige

For once in his life he didn’t feel like a sage

She made want to explore himself further

The flutter of hearts, oh theyre all of a dither

First loves are deep, first breaks cut the core deep

He was naïve to see that she was using him for short glee

Why was he sad, they were supposed to be in love?

Alas dear boy she never was.

Shes the matured, smarter breed of fear

And you were still the young boy cooping in insecure , mere

Your pillows got soaked your eyes started to burn

Oh why oh why does fate seem to turn

All but happiness was what I yearned

My heart sliced with a dagger, a slice that burnt

The sharp pain and empty feeling

I lost my first thing in life that was leading

Am I really no good at what im doing?

Hush darling boy, youre only fifteen.

He grew well, he built himself slowly

On the outside his muscles screamed masculinity

His gaze pierced into a girls eye like fire

He kept his morals, he would use testosterone only hereafter

He was an eye candy, that smile and gaze to die for

A body that the Adam himself would have an eye for

It was hard work, determination and discipline

He fell back many times but eventually risen

He thinks back sometimes on that caramel coloured love that he once was smitten by

He sits down by himself and still ponders why

All he wanted was a good life to pass him by

Now he understands, in being alive there are many times you die.

For Hema, 

23.04.15, 2345 hrs//

Dont give her the feeling that everything is lost

She is your mother.

There has been ache, there has been silence

The long look of shock seemed to stop nature

You hurt, you forget but she is still tattered

How long can she put up an act that it doesn’t matter?

She keeps it inside like it will wither

It might go away, just forget it ever happened

But she never wants to complain, feels like no use hereafter

Feels like all is building up, one crumb and another after

Crumbs build mountains, grains make deserts

That’s what her heart was, tears drained from them by disaster

Disaster? You ask, not comprehending the factor
that long look of shock I said? That’s the aftermath garter.

The garter stretched long, never snapped yet never altered

Sometimes she said “the pain might go away later”

Dear friend please tell me, what did she do for this white piece of paper

She raised you she fed you, she clothed you regardless of weather

She cooked and cleaned she drove she seamed

She took she gave she bore she paid

She cried she laughed she shut up she sparked

Screamed and praised, she condemned she played.

Take her hand and hold it dear,

She is your mother. Not something to be set aside like a puppet owned by it master.

The infamous 3AM

poem.

Everyone wants to write

it.

They stay up late

thinking their pain

will make the writing

easier. 

If not easier, then

at least

better.

the ex lovers

the current lovers

the broken hearts

the one’s that got away

(even the one’s that didn’t).

It’s always

lovers lovers lovers.

Heartbreaks as result 

of desires.

And most of the time

it makes me sick, but

I finally said

“to hell with it”

and wrote that

infamous

3

AM

poem.

Turns out I’m not much

different..

Such a funny thing for me to try to explain

Give and take all the shunned remarks add to the shame

Squeeze me down, to the ground

I cant breathe

I cry but no tears are let to leak

Fatal feelings turned out fatal after all

This song was a song this song not sung at all

Suppressed and crumpled

Flushed away from being expressed

There was no saviour to peek in on me, silent and discreet

I couldn’t explain, I couldn’t tell

I was in a bubble, a bubble with a steel shell

Pink and purple never existed

Black and grey in sick lines were twisted

White depicted purity but no light was let in to shine

She lost all hope and was crippled in her mind

There she was begging and willing to give in

“Oh Satan’s helpers please pull me in”

She cut and sliced, red ink oozed it way

It raced down in a line, racing with green and blue snake veins

Drip by drip it blotted down

“The red ink is a sign, the time has soon arrived!”

She lit up inside and instantly came a smile

She had set free the demons playing in her mind

They raced down cotton white skin, marked their exit as blots on marble tin

Those demons ran free, sliding down with ease

She was happy, happy with glee

Her smile was manic and she giggled lightly

“Oh happy day, there is no more pain to be!”

For Oviya. 

So i became a poet

</3

T'was when she thought she had new friends

Who'd help her through those ends and bends

A spark of love, the flutter of fools

Struck her heart, his goatee looked cool

There was a spice, oh yes so nice

It kept that smile on her face right

She lost her king but found her prince

Redeemed joy, nothing else but since

He made her laugh, he hugged, he kissed  

When it was time to part she surely missed

The glimmer of flirt in his left eye

The cheeky smile she thought was sly...

SHE RUSHED INTO THIS BIG WHOLE MESS

She never thought it might be a test

She had that doubt, of her infatuation

But who was she? A minor digression

The glass heart he threw to shatter

Those empty colours flew wildly, not fluttered

His words seared her, sharp like a dagger

Yet she was in love, she thought it didn't matter

To those who said "Forever i'm here"

Go fuck yourself and gulp your beer

She craves what might be unattainable

Its sad, i know

Her senses are on the very marginal

She's twining down a road of depression

She cries, she cries, she cries, aggression

Psychotic looks loom on her page

They keep pulling her back though she stays away

She plunged into the gallows. The love was dark. 

She felt like telling herself to slow down on the rugged piercings or deep brown eyes.

The tailored suits or the sweet talking lies.

The silent mysterious ones and the great actors.

The unsure cowards and hungry raptors.

All these men summed up her sought for love-filled laughter

She had enough to write a book, put it on shelves and be a bestseller.

She tried and tried not to get attached hereafter.

Tempted by conscience and curious by nature,
she ignored the mistakes and learned from them never.

She tried and tried, she put up with herself being a hater

She looked for eyes that saw her deeper

Through the curves and smile and eyes, through her lips pouting when she sighs

To love her, you should see; not look.
You should speak; not say
you should listen; not hear
you should feel; not touch.

Ponder her thoughts and fill her heart with content.

She’s been shattered and art, mind in self-contempt.

Give her time, be patient to perceive

If she sees something in you she will never leave.

I crowded my brain with my emotions to make them purge some beauty 

Tendrils of roses twine across the veins

Clench and prick, scar as a blade 

I writhe in pain it cuts too deep 

Nobody to confide, this cut core leak.

Engage in friendships, engage in romance, 

Engage in pastimes for a strike at chance

Naïvetés mask her conscience to say 

Hold back darling, don’t do this again

Her story was heart wrenching it made anyone feel bad 

But most of the time she didn’t feel sad

Out of curiosity he asked her a tale 

And out she spun a twisted sick mindset stuck in her mind cave

He was appalled and shocked

His heart was as heavy as a rock

How can she smile through so called love; it was mock